How to write your band’s bio:
Step 1 – Start with information about your early years that nobody really cares about but that you have to put in there because otherwise the bio is thin and it’s completely obvious how unsuccessful you really are.
ex. Slow Runner started in 2003 when singer/songwriter Michael Flynn and multi-instrumentalist Josh Kaler began musically fornicating together after college.
Step 2 – Create a mythos around how your ‘sound’ was formed.
ex. One night while walking through the woods Michael and Josh pulled a sword from a stone and the curtains of heaven opened up and they simultaneously realized their musical destiny involved casio, loud drums, and short pop songs about girls.
Step 3 – Puff your chest out and list accomplishments no matter how insignificant they might be.
ex. Michael Flynn almost won the John Lennon Songwriting Scholarship in 2001. Then he did win the Flat Rock Music Festival Songwriting Contest, then he and Kaler made ‘No Disassemble’, formed a full band, and signed a deal with J Records in 2005.
Step 4 – Totally ignore inexplicable gaps in the narrative of the bio.
ex. What happened to our deal with J Records? Shut up. What happened to your mom, that’s the real question. Move along, there’s nothing to see here!
Step 5 – Start name-dropping like you’re trying to get into the v.i.p. room at Tonic on a Friday night. This step is extremely important.
ex. Slow Runner has toured with folks like Josh Ritter, The Damnwells, Say Anything, Built to Spill, Gomez, The Avett Brothers, and Evan Dando, as well as had their music featured on shows like Greys Anatomy and One Tree Hill.
Step 5b (optional) – If you’ve gotten any press, sprinkle some of that in for additional legitimacy.
ex. Paste Magazine names Slow Runner one of 25 bands worth watching due to the “sonic atmosphere — elegant, corroded, and lurking about … Slow Runner is the rare band that can mourn and bewail, then hope and ramble on, all with one hand on the blip-and-bloop button for good measure.”
ex. “..set to do for geek-rock what Zach Braff did for television sitcoms– re-define ultra cool.” –blogcritics.org
ex. …”at first listen makes you summon that Shazam app on your iPhone and ask, ‘Who’s that?'” –Huffington Post
Step 6 – Mention the new guys.
ex. Michael and Josh are now lucky enough to be playing with Jonathan Gray (formerly of Jump Little Children) on bass and Scott Baumil (formerly of The Young Republicans) on guitar.
[notice the extra name-dropping I snuck in there with parenthesis? Bonus points!]
Step 7 – Mention the new product you’re trying to shove down people’s ears. Make it sound badass.
ex. With their new ep Ghost Rendition, Slow Runner takes yet another exciting detour into fresh sonic territory. Stuffed with orchestras and electronics, Ghost Rendition sounds like Michael and Josh plugged a USB cable into Darth Vader’s chest and recorded his dreams. Welcome to Slow Runner, v4.0.
Do all that, mix it up, sprinkle some basil on top, BAM! You’ve got a bio. See how easy that is?
Paul Lohr & Jake Kennedy
New Frontier Touring
Nashville, TN 37203